Friday, August 17, 2007

Self Doubt and Uncertainty...

Three encaustic pieces here that I did this week. Each of them are 12" X 12" and are titled, "Synthesis I", "Synthesis II" and "Synthesis III".
Now I don't know what the heck I was thinking after I've executed them. They are for a juired exibition that I feel like I don't stand a chance in h___ of getting any of these in! Why the heck did I choose a medium that I have very little experience in? What was I thinking? I should've just taken images from my photography archives. My best work is probably there and I've been at that a lot longer. It certainly would've been less stressful and wouldn't have taken up all the time that it did this week working on these! I could hear myself as I was working on these about why oh why did I decided to go with this medium for this particular event? Stupid me...
OK, I guess I really know the answer. It was an excuse to work in the unfamiliar. I can pull an example from my dance background. It's like visiting another city and walking into an advanced ballet class that contain company members of the city's ballet comapny. You know you're in over your head. You know you're not familiar with how the teacher teaches but the rest of the class is. Plus, they have more miles under their belt than you do. But, you take the class anyway knowing that it will be a struggle. Knowing that you will not do anywhere near what the others are doing. You work harder than you ever do and you try really hard to shut up those voices within you telling you that you're not good enough. You ignore them and work through the self doubt.
The gain? Pushing yourself beyond that limit that you thought you had. Discovering that you can get through more than you thought you could. You learning from watching the others.
So, here I am again with all the same feelings, but in a different context and art form; the visual art.
Maybe I'll get lucky and the art gods will nod their approval.
If not, I move on. I learn from the endeavor. For me, that is the brass ring! The insight that I gain from the process.


bridgette said...

These are wonderful paula! YOu know, the first time I submitted work to a juried show, I sumbitted 3 and only one got in. And it was my least favorite of the group! You never know with these things. All we can do is submit, cross our fingers, and hope for the best.
I struggle with the same self doubt and uncertaintiy all the time too when i am submitting for things. But I remember this one woman years ago telling me that if you don't have a roomful of rejection slips, then you're not trying hard enough.

I always remember those words now as I am starting to submit my work to places and trying to get my work shown at small venues here and there.

We can do it!!!

bridgette said...

I also meant to add that I love the orange of the bottom piece. It just glows! Beautiful.

Artsy-Reg said...

Are you kidding? These are gorgeous! I love all the colors. Maybe that's a boldness you're uncomfortable with? Don't worry about juries - the important thing is to like a piece yourself. I think they're wonderful!


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