Friday, May 09, 2008

Searching for Angels...

I was going to wait until tomorrow night to post this, but the thoughts are too 'there' for me, so I think I'd best get them out. They don't want to wait!

One of the drawbacks of living here in New Mexico for me is that I cannot visit my mother's final resting place. She is in Punchbowl Cemetary on Oahu and that is sooo far away. I had created a substitute ritual where I go down to the Rio Grande River and slowly toss 2 dozen roses into the river, one by one. It's the best I could come up with, but it still doesn't cut it. And, it's not very private as runners, skaters and bicyclists go by.

Since I had to head out to Bernalillo this morning, I decided to go visit my favorite cemetary called "Our Lady of Sorrows". I brought my camera with me because I was in search of angels.

It was such a peaceful morning and I was the only one there the entire time. My visit there felt very luxirious as I took images to my heart's content and visited with the loved ones that are buried there. I love reading the captions on the headstones as they give me a sense of who that person was; a connection. Some of them take my breath away and it is hard not to succumb to total sorrow. Especially when I realized that the cherub and dove that is my favorite belongs to little Jessica who was a week shy of one month old when she passed on.

I am mindful of where I step as to not show disrespect to those who are there. Spending time there feels a bit like visiting my family members who have left this world. There is a sense of peace, happiness and sorrow all at the same time.

I am in awe at the amount of care that goes into maintaining this cemetary; it is not run down or neglected and it seems that family is there often to check up on things.

So, it's not quite like how my visit goes with mom at Punchbowl, but it at least gives me something to hang onto with Mother's Day coming up in less than 48 hours. I also think about all the peole in my life that I know that have lost their mothers. Some as recently as a month and a half ago. That first Mother's Day that comes around after your mom dies is a doozy and I wonder how THEY are faring. That sense of loss of someone you love seems like such a lonely place to be if you let it be the only place.

"You are not alone; the journey makes us one."

And that, my friends is my lifeline that continues to bring me back to center. Let it be yours too!


1 comment:

redredday said...

i'm really moved by what you wrote here, and the pictures too...


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