Monday, September 25, 2006

There is no death...

"There is no death; only a change in the worlds." (Seattle Sleuth) The Autumanl Equinox has already come. The cues in the air and in the earth around me brings me back to nearly nine years ago. The season is changing. As the night and mornings get colder, the deciduous plants loose their ability to photosynthesize their plant energy. No more sugar means that no chorophyll is being produced. The leaves gradually loose their green color and become golden. It is truly a time of transition. Changing from one state to another. The Egyptians and many ancient cultures placed a great emphasis on the importance of the afterlife. All the art and artifacts that have been recovered from ancient Egypt is due to this importance. Objects were needed to take the ka (the life force of the being) into eternity, therefore they were made to last. Nine years ago, Emily had lost all hope for continuing on in this life; the shell of her body could no longer sustain her. Years of hypertension and heart disease along with blood clots in her peripheral lungs had taken its toll. On the 28th of October, we had headed up to the Santa Fe mountains to enjoy the fall leaves turning. It was a beautiful day. John was five years old then. We hiked. We threw rocks in the creek. We ate our picnic lunch. It could not have been a more perfect day. We came home to our answering machine blinking and picked up the message from my sister, Carol, letting me know that mom was in the hospital. Needles and pins; I knew in my heart that she did not have the health to make it to the end of the year; I could only wonder if this was going to be 'it' even though the reason why she was in did not seem life-threatening. Tuesday evening, Sept. 30th...I still had not been able to contact my mom by way of phone; my timing just was not good (I had been trying for two days). 6:45 p.m. I am in an evening adult ballet class; at the bar doing tondues (sp?). I got hit with a huge wave of emotion; I realized that I was going to loose her within a few hours. As I got ready for bed that night, I still hadn't heard from anyone and my heart was racing, my emotions heightened. 11 p.m. the phone that I kept within reach, rang. It was my mother's husband. Distraught. Grief-stricken. We lost her. Official date is October 1, 1997. Fast forward nine years. Every fall, same time of year, the same seasonal cues are in place that take me back to that moment in time; as though suspended in eternity. I miss her plenty. I know my siblings miss her like I do too. But, life as we know it here on earth, is not eternal. But, here on earth, life has its cycles and we are participants in these cylces, like it or not. "And the seasons, they go round and round. And the painted ponies go up and down; we're captive on the carousel of time. We can't return, we can only look behind from where we came...and go 'round and 'round in the circle game." (Joni Mitchell)

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