Fear is just an emotion...

These are mixed media pieces are shown here from a little visual journal I started (it's a work in progress that will probably span a decade, no doubt!). Titles are, "Dios de los Muertos" and "Mi Milargro". Yeah, yeah, not very inventive names, I know. But, it is what it is! I don't watch tv all that much, but lately, when I do, it's been the Travel Channel. The other night I caught the first episode of what I think will be a series of six total called, "Moms on the Road in Africa". Eight moms were selected to travel for six weeks in Africa. They have no idea what the itenerary is for each day. Most of the moms are young, but one of them is old enough to be their mother. She is a wise sage, she is. One of their adventures was to rapel down a 3,000 foot cliff off of what is called Table Mountain in South Africa. Now, I'm kinda adventurous, but just looking at that mountain on tv gave me a case of vertigo! This older woman in the group did not opt out, however. In fact, she was one of the first to go down. She told the younger one with her that, " Fear is just an emotion, not a brick wall. You can walk right through it." Yipes! How terribly profound! That will serve as inspiration for me when I think I'm afraid to try a new venture. I'll remind myself that is just an emotion and keep moving forward. Table Mountain, South Africa

Dem Bones

Dem bones, dem bones, dem DRY bones...

OK, a break from the really long missives of late. Just a few quick quotes that struck my muse (no one got hurt):

"When you sprakle, you just have more fun."

"Life is too important to be taken seriously." (Oscar Wilde)

And last, but not least (this one's for you, Leau), "Life is like riding a bycicle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." (Albert Einstein)

But, you already knew that!

Mr. Bones here is courtesy of Marlys from our Physician's Assistant Program at UNM. We drove up to San Juan College today for an outreach program (she brings him with her on these trips). I was demonstrating the lovely macro feature on the digital camera. He seemed like a subject that wouldn't protest to having a camera up close in his face.

What a smile he has!

There is no death...

"There is no death; only a change in the worlds." (Seattle Sleuth) The Autumanl Equinox has already come. The cues in the air and in the earth around me brings me back to nearly nine years ago. The season is changing. As the night and mornings get colder, the deciduous plants loose their ability to photosynthesize their plant energy. No more sugar means that no chorophyll is being produced. The leaves gradually loose their green color and become golden. It is truly a time of transition. Changing from one state to another. The Egyptians and many ancient cultures placed a great emphasis on the importance of the afterlife. All the art and artifacts that have been recovered from ancient Egypt is due to this importance. Objects were needed to take the ka (the life force of the being) into eternity, therefore they were made to last. Nine years ago, Emily had lost all hope for continuing on in this life; the shell of her body could no longer sustain her. Years of hypertension and heart disease along with blood clots in her peripheral lungs had taken its toll. On the 28th of October, we had headed up to the Santa Fe mountains to enjoy the fall leaves turning. It was a beautiful day. John was five years old then. We hiked. We threw rocks in the creek. We ate our picnic lunch. It could not have been a more perfect day. We came home to our answering machine blinking and picked up the message from my sister, Carol, letting me know that mom was in the hospital. Needles and pins; I knew in my heart that she did not have the health to make it to the end of the year; I could only wonder if this was going to be 'it' even though the reason why she was in did not seem life-threatening. Tuesday evening, Sept. 30th...I still had not been able to contact my mom by way of phone; my timing just was not good (I had been trying for two days). 6:45 p.m. I am in an evening adult ballet class; at the bar doing tondues (sp?). I got hit with a huge wave of emotion; I realized that I was going to loose her within a few hours. As I got ready for bed that night, I still hadn't heard from anyone and my heart was racing, my emotions heightened. 11 p.m. the phone that I kept within reach, rang. It was my mother's husband. Distraught. Grief-stricken. We lost her. Official date is October 1, 1997. Fast forward nine years. Every fall, same time of year, the same seasonal cues are in place that take me back to that moment in time; as though suspended in eternity. I miss her plenty. I know my siblings miss her like I do too. But, life as we know it here on earth, is not eternal. But, here on earth, life has its cycles and we are participants in these cylces, like it or not. "And the seasons, they go round and round. And the painted ponies go up and down; we're captive on the carousel of time. We can't return, we can only look behind from where we came...and go 'round and 'round in the circle game." (Joni Mitchell)

Long Ago and Far Away and Invisible People

Long Ago and Far Away This was from a time that is now long ago and far away... I thought this would bring a smile to whoever happens upon this image. Yep, it's me. On Molokai. Guessing by the missing front tooth, I must be about six or seven years old. I don't think we moved up to our house in Kalae yet from the Del Monte camp (Kualapuu), so I must be in first or second grade. I just love the sock monkey on the wall behind me. I wish I still had that green lamp on the shelf! What a classic! However, I do have the lamp from the same time that is a black cocker spaniel on its haunches. He's on my bedromm dresser. Ahhhh, nostalgia! Invisible People While leaving the grocery store yesterday, I caught out of the corner of my eye in the card display area cards for "Bosses Day". I started muttering to the poor young man that had bagged my groceries and was taking them out to the car for me. "Well, what about Employees Day? Why don't they have that? And, what about Janitors Day? They should have that too! Heck, what about the folks who pick up our garbage? Why don't we have cards for that too?" Those dab-burned companies will think of as many ways to 'obligate' us to spend our money! But, it is so 'class oriented'. No cards for those that many consider 'beneath' our station. We don't have a caste system; except perhaps on a more subliminal level. All of us forget about this so easily. How we treat people in our day to day lives is NOT equitable. It's funny that when I was waitressing in college and those who inquired about what I did for a living would just say, "oh" to that. It was seen as a lesser kind of job. The attitude and behavior that went with it is interesting to observe. Later, I worked for a wine distributor and represented lines such as Sterling, Cakebread Cellars, and many other prestegious wineries. It sounded glamourous, but really, it was what I called work that a gorilla could do. Often, it was I who was building that 50 case display of wine on a grocery store end cap. It was mindless and unrewarding work. But, when I told people that I worked for a wine distributor, their faces would light up, the interest would be oh-so-great and the way I was treated was so different from when I was a waitress. Interesting, huh? Same person, same intelligence, same time in my life. We are snobs. All of us. Do you say hello to the people who clean your office and bathrooms at work when you see them coming in? Do you look them in the eye and thank them? Do you pay attention to who they are? A nice gesture I learned from my older brother, Robert's example, is that when someone is wearing a name tag, he looks them in the eye and thanks them by name. Very gracious. Small gesture, but what a big difference. We are all human beings and everyone deserves to be treated with dignity. And those who are doing the jobs that none of us would ever do should be exalted! Instead of forking out that $4.50 for a card for Bosses Day, spend the money on a gift card for McDonalds or something and give it to someone who derseves recognition. It's not that my boss doesn't derserve recognition, but they already get it. I just think that there are others who need the recognition more than my boss. These are the people that I call the invisible people as they go through life without recognition. Without them, our lives would be quite different.

"Ephphata!" Mk 7:31-37

"Ephphata!" I think it's Latin. More on what that menas later... The image is a close up of an ornate drain cover for a water feature in the poolside area of the lucious Tamaya Resort Hotel, just north of town. The design of a drain cover for a water feature is intersting, as it is intended to be a piece of art on its own. Yet, people walk by it, not noticing it. I loved the weathered and patina look it has aquired over the years. If you look closely, you'll notice how the water is pooling in the nooks and crannies. This is one of the top ten images I've taken in the past few months. But, I was in a quandry as to what to "name" it. Then, during the reading of the gospel at church a few weeks ago, this was the phrase that Jesus uttered when performing a miracle on a deaf and mute man. "Ephphata!" means, "be opened". When I heard this, I realized that this was the perfect title for this piece. When we close our ears and heart to others and the world, nothing can pass through; nothing can be 'heard'. And, what does not pass through becomes static and stagnant. For me, this image starts off as something concrete and common; the ornate drain cover. In taking a close up of just a part of it, it becomes an abstraction. Within that abstraction comes a meaning that transcends day to day life. I'm not that clever, really, but I think in keeping myself open to possibilites, I expand my universe and perhaps my understaning of life. Yet, for me, the quest to understand life remains a perpetual enigma...

Goodnight, moon!

One of my favorite books to read to our son John when he was a baby was a book called, "Goodnight, Moon!". A very simple story. Very easy for a young child to follow. It was great to read to him because it helped to settle him down for the night and get him into the mindset of sleep. Any parent who has read this book to their child will nod their head in agreement and a sense of nostaglia will come over them. Bedtime was always a ritual for us. Somehow or other, it evolved into both parents going in seperately to lay there with him to help him drift off to sleep. Mark and I always found this time alone with our child to be like gold; a private audience with no distractions. This is when I would teach him how to say his prayers. We'd talk about events and people; this was the time for our wisdom to be revealed to him. As John got to be older, each year Mark and I would wonder if this was the year when we would get cut off from this nightly ritual that we so cherished. We were amazed that this lasted until he was about11 years old. I don't know what got me thinking about this yesterday. Perhaps because Mark just turned 50. Perhaps because John is pulling away from us as he is a full fledged teenager. Perhaps because he has an adult-sized body (he's just about eye to eye with Mark and weighs as much or more than Mark did when we got married 21 years ago). Perhaps because I was just around a brand new baby (Raine's) over the weekend. The intimate conversations are not as often since we don't have this night time ritual. Those moments are still precious to me, but it is in the natural order of the world that he acquires this independence from his parents. I guess I also realized that I need to start bracing myself mentally for the "empty nest" syndrome. Granted, it's a few years away, but just thinking about it made me realize even more so to learn to live in the moment with him. Sometimes it is a difficult task when he's pushing all the 'right' buttons! So, goodnight comb, goodnight brush, goodnight little kitten, goodnight to the mouse in the house, goodnight little old lady rocking in the chair and goodnight moon!